Narcissism describes a specific pattern of behavior marked by inflated self-worth, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, says clinical psychologist Annia Raja, Ph.D. According to the American Psychological Association, people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) tend to feel a sense of entitlement and often take advantage of others, which can make it tough to maintain relationships.
Narcissists often have unreasonable expectations of others, center their own experience above everyone else’s, and exhibit controlling behaviors in relationships. “Narcissists may use subtle manipulation tactics to influence people and situations to their advantage—this can include things like passive-aggressive behavior, playing the victim, or subtly undermining others to maintain control or bolster their self-esteem,” Raja tells mbg. They may also expect others to cater to them on a whim, refuse to take accountability for their actions, and get jealous or competitive with others.
Although all relationships look different, narcissistic relationship patterns tend to be unhealthy and unbalanced. “Narcissists tend to be exploitative, often forming relationships based on what they can gain from them, rather than genuine emotional connection,” Raja explains. “They might strategically choose romantic partners, friends, or colleagues who can provide them with status, wealth, or connections. And once someone no longer serves a purpose to them, they will often denigrate or discard them.”
Narcissists can also be highly charismatic, which can make it easy to fall for them—both romantically and platonically. “However, this charm is usually short-lived, and once they think they’ve secured someone’s admiration or loyalty, their true colors start to emerge,” Raja says. This dynamic can cause a variety of challenges and even narcissistic abuse,
Here are the most common stages of what’s known as the narcissistic abuse cycle:
