For the survey, researchers polled more than 1,000 adults and found that 46 percent said they don’t get the alone time they need during the holiday season. More than half of respondents—56 percent, to be exact—also said that it’s very important for their mental health to have some time to themselves, creating a potentially sticky situation for many whose loved ones expect 24/7 quality time at the end of the year.
“Alone time can be especially difficult to get during the holidays, but it’s necessary for many people,” Sophie Lazarus, PhD, a clinical psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Health at The Ohio State University, says in the survey report. This, of course, is not to be confused with social isolation, which can lead to negative mental health effects like depression and anxiety over time. Alone time is short-term—just a few minutes to take a breath can help reduce stress.
So, how crucial is alone time to your mental health? And how do we get it with a packed holiday schedule? We tapped two mental health providers for more.
Why taking alone time is important for mental health
At baseline, having some alone time is important because it allows you to decompress, Thea Gallagher, PsyD, clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and co-host of the Mind in View podcast, tells Well+Good. “It’s a good time to recharge and to just be,” she says. “You’re not just taking alone time from your nuclear family—you’re taking time from socializing, which requires a lot of mental energy.”
Lazarus points out that many people already have a lot of “activation,” meaning their brains are busy, even when it’s not the holiday season. “That can keep us elevated and on edge,” she says. Brain busyness can manifest as racing thoughts, hyperactivity, and body restlessness.
But having alone time can counteract that. “You have an opportunity to allow that stress to come down and for your nervous system to relax,” Lazarus says. In other words, you’re giving your parasympathetic nervous system (the part of your nervous system that helps your body relax) a chance to take over.
Gallagher also recommends looking at alone time “as a way to give back to yourself when you’re so focused on giving to others.” When you’re busy running around during the holidays making sure all of your loved ones have a festive season, it can distract you from your real thoughts and feelings, she points out.
“When you don’t observe those feelings—whether they’re stressed, happy, chaotic, or sad—you can end up burning out and overreacting to things,” Gallagher says. And that’s the last thing we want for this merry time of year.
How you can take more alone time during the holidays
Of course, knowing you could use some alone time and getting it are two different things. But Gallagher says that recognizing you have this need is an important first step. “You shouldn’t feel bad about that,” she adds. Here are some tips that can help you achieve a bit peace and quiet.
1. Be honest with loved ones about your plans
Given that this is a busy season that usually involves family, Gallagher just recommends being honest with loved ones about your needs and plans. “You can schedule in alone time,” she says. Lazarus explains that people don’t love to hear that you’ve come up with last-minute plans during holidays, so instead, set up a time for yourself and let your loved ones know about your schedule in advance so they know you’re not bailing on them. You never know—this might inspire one of your family members or friends to take a beat for themselves too.
Once you’ve carved out the time, Gallagher says you can—and should—spend it doing whatever you feel recharges you. “That could be maintaining your workout routine, reading, or visiting a new store alone that you want to check out,” she says. “Be intentional about your time and enjoy it.”
2. Lower the bar on alone-time expectations
If you know getting your usual amount of alone time will be tricky, Lazarus recommends that you “lower the bar” to be mentally okay with grabbing a few minutes here and there. “You might think it’s not worth it unless you can take an hour or an afternoon—but that doesn’t need to be the case,” she says.
On days that you’re pressed for alone time, Lazarus suggests doing things like a breathing exercise before you go into work, putting on some music or a podcast when you’re cooking in the kitchen, or even doing a few quick stretches to get your body moving. “It’s about finding those little opportunities,” she says.
3. Remember that everyone’s needs are different
If you feel fine about being wrapped up in the whirl of the holiday season, Lazarus says that’s just fine, too. She finds that not everyone needs alone time or large chunks of time to themselves. (We’re looking at you, extroverts!)
“Even though alone time is important to a lot of people and there can be real benefits, it’s not the right thing for everyone all the time,” she says. “It’s important to check in with yourself, notice how you’re feeling, and then decide if it would be most helpful to take time alone or not.”
The bottom line
As The Ohio State University survey discovered, many people crave alone time during the holiday season. It may feel tough to break away, but taking regular breaks to be alone can support your mental well-being during what is usually a busy and emotional time of year. Be honest with your loved ones about your needs—and enjoy every moment of downtime when you can get it.
