Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, mother figures, big sisters, moms-to-be and dads filling both roles.
Being a parent is no joke, but one of the most rewarding jobs in the world. It takes constant compassion, respect and education to understand our kids and how they fit into the rapidly changing world – not to mention all the planning, organizing, homework, sports, birthday parties, play dates and SNACKS.
We’d like to think it’s every mother’s dream to have a relationship with their kids that is unbreakable and built on trust, honesty and mutual respect. So when Lauryn ran into Heidi and her daughter Maddie in San Diego, she had to invite her on to talk all about their enviable mother-daughter relationship.
Heidi Dixon is a fashion influencer, stylist, wife AND, you guessed it…supermom. Her and her daughter Maddie have an admirable relationship, and after witnessing it first hand, Lauryn had to have them on the blog for Mother’s Day this year.
From how to create quality time, instilling trust and respect to appreciating all the pick ups and drop offs, Heidi is here to tell us how she created an incredible bond with her daughter and how you can do it too.
Let’s welcome Heidi to the blog.
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Motherhood, itʼs the greatest love imaginable! Everything from immense feelings of worry and guilt to an unseeable measure of failure or success. Much of which is not really in our control. Itʼs far from anything perfect and cuts deep at times because after all, it feels like a reflection of us. Thinking about what works in a parent/child relationship can be a fully loaded subject, it is circumstantial and yet, I wonder, can there be ideas that make these relationships work universally? I’ll share my thoughts on what has been a remarkable journey in shaping the mother/daughter relationship I have today.
My name is Heidi, I grew up in a middle-class neighborhood in Utah. I was raised by a single mom who climbed the government ladder, starting as a secretary in the 80s, to her retirement forty-plus years later. I had nannies who taught me how to walk, tie my shoes and say my ABCʼs. Most days, the smell of my momʼs perfume or occasional voice over the telephone was the only indication she was around. She was at work before the sun came up and preoccupied by days end. I would easily describe my mom as a strong, determined, smart, independent, very strict, logical career woman, who was an excellent cook.
She was quite loving; however, her focus was primarily on providing me the necessities one needs and then off to enjoy life. My father was a livestock investigator in Wyoming, and I saw him every summer. I was a city girl with my mom and a cowgirl with my father. I learned how to adapt and/or figure out things on my own, independently with little to no advice. I made many avoidable mistakes and didn’t have a clear idea on what I wanted or what opportunities I could have with little, to no guidance, throughout my school years.
I obviously turned out just fine, HA! But really, I share this with such honesty primarily because understanding where we come from, analyzing what shaped your life for better or worse, is key to understanding how or why you parent the way you do. Here I will share five areas on how I have created an amazing relationship with my now, fifteen-year-old daughter and a few tips on the things we love to do together.
How to Build an Unbreakable Bond Between Mother and Daughter
Time is sacrifice
Being present is not an easy task, but it is a real privilege and builds a bond from the beginning. I think that is crucial. Teaching my daughter she can come to me and how to do that with honesty was a top priority from the beginning. It has really paid off over the years. Trust builds early on in their lives and it requires your patience, time and energy. Having all the shared quality time together has brought so much understanding of who she is and who I am to her, which helps us both in the choices we make.
Finding the quality time to be together is a lifelong journey. This looks different at each stage but the most important thing at every age, is routine and dependability. Those two things make all the difference and the earlier, the better!
Tips: Talking in bed late at night at all ages. Watching Gilmore Girls (age 15) currently is our thing, so relatable and hilariously fun; other series include Emily in Paris, Succession and Project Runway. We’ve watched shows together at every age and it brings back a lot of good memories.
Build appreciation
To this day my daughter appreciates the time we have together, especially since I work too. I regularly explain how thankful I am that I can do what I do for her and what it takes for me to do it. The list is long when it comes to the things we do, giving an overall sense to this understanding will lessen the shock later when the tide changes in their direction.
Picking up and dropping her off every day from school and golf has been my thing and it’s challenging with my schedule but I make it work every day. What I know now, is there is no replacing what you get on those car rides together and tides change, the fact she drives next year, you can’t go back- it goes by way too fast!
Tips: Her sport is golf so we practice and play a lot of golf together; she made the High School Varsity team as a freshman this year and is forecasting future goals through this sport. We maintain strength in our private workouts with Kim Kelly, she is fun, upbeat and you never know how hard you’re working out! She has an online platform if you’re not local to Southern CA. Kim also provides us with supplemental help and wellness motivation to our routines. She is amazing!
Balance work
Growing up watching my mother’s commitment to her work was good for me and I was proud of the career woman she came to be. I think it’s important to embody work ethic throughout your life so they can imitate this in their future. Work ethic is the key here, just doing something that you are passionate about makes a difference, I realize that looks different for everyone.
I took a few years off work to be more focused at home. After about three years, I wanted to go back to work. Itʼs important to not feel guilty about prioritizing other things besides them, itʼs healthy to balance it out.
Tips: She earns allowance through chores. Shopping together has definitely become our thing. Currently, we stalk every TSC product Lauryn launches along with all her product suggestions, we learn so much. Lauryn is the only reason she will wear sunscreen after all the years of me trying- hallelujah! It pays to have mentors. Maddie also ice rolls every morning before her makeup routine. We love a good Sephora haul and the online “wish” lists are long. I’m lucky because as a stylist, I get to do her hair and we love getting our nails done together every two weeks.
Distractions
One topic that has more opinions than a presidential debate; Phones, screens, social media, etc. they are all a way of life now. I know we are here to teach our kids how to be responsible, decent, kind, productive humans, that don’t ruin their futures by negligence on social media.
We talk about it all, why or why not, the implications of what could be if done wrong and the opportunities if done right. Information about media is happening daily. It’s an animal that continues to morph. We look through it together, we have fun with it and we both use the examples of what you see being put out there to commentate on the impression it gives. Most likely, if they aren’t learning it from you, they are learning it from somewhere else and they all want to be part of it. I suggest starting at age-appropriate levels with different apps (you can message me if you’re curious) and keeping an eye on screen time- even adults could use less screen time. Keeping a handle on it is critical.
Tips: Browsing Instagram and social media together keeps it normal to see each other’s content. We share Instagram reels and posts daily and there is never hesitancy if I want to look at her phone. We scour the latest skincare ideas and trends, combine our skincare routines and research a million products to try.
Trust and Mutual Respect
Getting clear, like really clear, on what rules are flexible and why; and what rules are total deal breakers and why- saves time and headaches. We’ve chosen 3 “rules” that are deal breakers. They fringe on safety issues and/or (our) moral standards and these are to be absolutely respected and if not, she understands her life will, as she knows it, change. Everything else is negotiable!
Making mistakes is essential to all our growth, none of us are perfect, we need time to figure things out and someone who can be there to support us through it. So, for us when any of the other “rules” are broken we talk it out and I ask a lot of questions, giving full opportunity to tell the truth. If truth is given, consequence is typically her choice. Encouraging truth builds trust and how you handle the truth builds mutual respect.
Tips: Talking about relationships in their lives and how to navigate the intricacies of friendships starts very early. It can begin as early as third grade. Preach, teach, forecast, and repeat. I had a lot of experience in navigating three’s-a-crowd scenarios and wildly, not normal cliques at too young of an age. I am totally open to discuss if you want more info, you can message me on Instagram @heidixxon.
The greatest love imaginable is a complicated yet beautiful experience; forming these delicate bonds are the true building blocks into a connection and friendship that’s lifelong, so I end it with this last thought: Acknowledging imperfections creates authenticity and loyalty, it builds respect because you are willing to not pretend to be perfect. Consider the effects of a thoughtful apology when needed and contemplate the effects this can have for their own needed forgiveness with you. Emulating behavior keeps you in the driver seat of how they are the reflection of you. It’s one of the few ways you’ll have your hands on the steering wheel in their life and if you’re lucky, one day, they will want to be just like YOU!
Some resources I recommend: Untangled, Cory Muscara teachings and workshops, soul type quiz.
Wishing you all a Happy Motherʼs Day!! XXO
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We’re not crying, you’re crying. We hope you loved all these incredible ways to enhance your relationship with your daughter, or son, for that matter. Happy Mother’s Day to all you mother figures. Hopefully you’re spending YOUR day exactly as you want to.
Oh, and if you forgot all about Mother’s Day and need a gift ASAP, we’re here for you. The Skinny Confidential digital gift cards arrive instantly and give your amazing mom the freedom to choose whatever she wants. Win win.
x, The Skinny Confidential team
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BONDING MOMENTS:
