Hi friends; today is my 40th birthday! If you would have told me at the tender age of 27 if I’d still be blogging about life 13 years later, I would have laughed and said who knows. Yet, here I am, turning another page of life here on the internet.
In some ways I feel like I’ve grown up alongside so many of you; your messages of being here since I was pregnant with Hailey make my heart swell. We’ve been through a lot together, haven’t we?
I always feel I should have something poignant to say on my birthday, but I rarely do. I think it’s because my birthday typically brings up so many emotions in me that I spend a lot of the day turned inward, reflecting on life and grounded in the present moment.
I’m doing that to high degree this year, as several months ago we planned a family adventure to celebrate this milestone birthday; I’m currently glamping with David, Hailey, and Kaitlyn in Utah, exploring Zion and Bryce National Parks, cut off from WIFI and cell phone connection. I’ve been looking forward to this trip SO much!
I brought an old school journal with me to capture my thoughts and the experiences of the day. I’m hitting publish on the plane as we fly out there, and wonder how the dessert experience is treating me in mind, body, and soul at the current moment. I look forward to sharing it with you!
So, let’s talk about 40 for a minute. Do I feel 40? What does that even mean?
I guess there is some undisputable evidence- gray hairs growing in (still embracing my “fairy hair” and waiting to see if that sticks) and my back stiffens up a bit if I lean over too long and I need to stand up slowly. Any alcohol ruins my sleep now and I find myself doing mental math to calculate if the amount and time of day is worth it or not. But alongside those physical attributes, there are so many gifts.
I feel increasingly comfortable in my skin. I feel strong and healthy and that means more to me every day. I care a lot more about getting to participate in the adventures in life than what I look like. It doesn’t mean I notice notice my “more mature” skin, but it matters less.
I’m so deeply happy. Happy perhaps isn’t the right word… content? Grateful? I know people are the best gift and I thank God everyday for the ones in my life. My family of course, but also for friends, past and present, online and off, and even good acquaintances that all add to my life in their own ways.
Another gift of getting older is caring less what people think. It’s harder to do on the internet sometimes, but still, it’s happening. You start realizing it really doesn’t matter much what other people think of your choices and get more comfortable building and living the life you love the way you want it to be.
I’m soaking in these middle mom years. The girls ask if I’ll have another baby (no) and at the same time I’m saving their old clothes for future grandbabies. What can I say, I’m a planner 
I drag my feet through every motherhood stage because I just enjoy the journey so much, and this stage is no different. Take your time, calendar, take your time.
Maybe I’ll have some deep self realization to share with you next week when I return, and perhaps I won’t. Either way, thank you for being a part of my life. There are some exciting things that will be happening during the next year, and I look forward to continuing to share this journey with you!
