Celebrity chef Ina Garten is famous for her simple and reliable recipes, as well as her loving, long-term relationship with husband Jeffrey Garten. However, their journey together hasn’t always been smooth sailing, as Garten recently revealed during the press tour for her new memoir, Be Ready When The Luck Happens. Speaking Tuesday night at Washington D.C.’s Kennedy Center, Garten elaborated on the headline-generating revelation that she and Jeffrey once took a temporary break from their marriage back in the ’70s.
“I came from such a difficult childhood. Jeffrey kind of brought me up,” Garten said. “He was like the parent, I was like the child. And I’m incredibly grateful that he did that, but I couldn’t shift gears to being partners.”
The couple met when Garten was just 15 years old and got married in their early 20s. After spending a few years working on nuclear policy and budgeting for the White House, Garten, then 30, said she felt the need for a change. She responded to an advertisement in the paper to purchase Barefoot Contessa, a specialty food store in Westhampton Beach, New York. This career move allowed her to finally find her calling, but she struggled with how it would fit into her marriage. Eventually, she expressed to Jeffrey that she needed “to be on my own for a little while.”
“He said, ‘If you feel you need to be on your own, you need to be on your own.’ And then I thought, ‘Oh, what am I doing here?'” Garten recalled. She asked Jeffrey to go to therapy while the two were apart, which he agreed to.
Looking back, Garten now understands how that big decision could have turned out poorly. However, it ultimately turned out to be crucial for the success of their marriage. The temporary separation enabled them to reassess their relationship on equal terms. “It was like a whole new relationship,” Garten said. “He shifted gears; I shifted gears. We realized there were things we both felt that we couldn’t do because we were married, that weren’t traditional. He wanted to travel [in his policy role] with the State Department more. I wanted to do things [with the food store]. I remember thinking, ‘Oh my god, I’m falling in love with this fabulous guy, and he just happens to be my husband.”
How to have a successful relationship break
Though taking a break worked for the Gartens, does that mean a relationship break could work for you? Maybe. But don’t approach the situation lightly, relationship and sex therapist Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST, tells Well+Good. “While a separation can give the couple time to heal, reflect on what’s important, and do the important work to come back together as a couple, the risks are, of course, that things won’t change and the couple will ultimately end their relationship,” Herzog says.
If you’re thinking about asking your partner for a break, consider the intentions behind why you want to do it. Are you interested in meeting other people, or do you actually want to work to create a better partnership? Herzog says she has recommended breaks to several clients in couples therapy, but worked with them to ensure the breaks were structured. Specific rules (like severing all contact) and the length of the separation may vary depending on what the couple needs to work through.
Partners should give each other space to independently reflect on personal needs and whether their future paths are aligned, Herzog says. Additionally, if a relationship is seeing high levels of conflict, taking a break might also be particularly helpful to learn how to properly regulate emotions, she adds.
Can a relationship break truly work?
Ultimately, Herzog believes in the benefits of taking relationship breaks—but only if both parties are willing to put in the work during that time.
The success of a break depends on the willingness of both partners to grow individually, address underlying issues, and commit to rebuilding the relationship together,” she says. “Breaks can work, but they require clear communication, a strong desire from both parties to reconcile and, often, professional guidance.” Herzog emphasizes that it’s rarely as simple as taking time apart. “The real work happens in how the couple uses that time to address their relationship’s core challenges.”
It certainly seems like the Gartens used their time wisely. Although the beloved chef says it was one of the most difficult things she’s ever done, she knew that her husband’s willingness to see a therapist meant he was serious and determined to make it work. They both shared their deepest concerns and, more importantly, listened to one another. Six weeks later, they came out stronger than ever—and are now officially #relationshipgoals royalty.
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