If you’re dating someone who you suspect is feeling insecure in the relationship, Manly recommends trying to figure out exactly where those issues are coming from. Are they stemming from their own personal insecurities? Or is your partner insecure because you’re behaving in ways that make them question your feelings?
“In some cases, a combination of unresolved issues and a partner’s poor behavior work in combination to feed insecurity,” Manly notes.
Gently open up a conversation with your partner about what’s going on for them, where their feelings of insecurity are coming from, and what specific behaviors of yours may be making them insecure. Go in with curiosity and warmth, so they know they can safely open up to you about these vulnerabilities without fear of judgment or rejection.
You may find there are behaviors of yours that are triggers for your partner, which you can eliminate, adjust, or offer care for your partner to help them cope with the discomfort when it comes up.
As well, remember that although you might feel like you’re being clear about how much you love and care about your partner, their insecurities make it hard for them to truly internalize your reassurances. Be patient and compassionate with them as they work to build a more secure attachment to you. Keep validating them and demonstrating that they can trust you by being consistent, keeping your word, and being attentive to their feelings. At the same time, encourage your partner to look within at what may be keeping them from truly feeling secure and believing you when you say you’re there for them.
“Regardless of the cause of insecurity issues, both individual and couples therapy can work wonders in healing the root causes of insecurity,” Manly adds.
