Similar to many people who struggle with bipolar disorder, Steven’s life was a series of peaks and valleys. As a family, we would always be fearful of “the call” when he’d have an incident or worse.
For the most part, Steve was independent. He worked as a real estate broker in New York City. While he loved it and it gave him a sense of purpose, he didn’t have a lot of success in his career. His bipolar disorder did not impact his depth of knowledge or his passion for his job, but he could never get deals to the finish line–presumably because of his inner demons.
After living with bipolar disease for years, he learned to put on a face for the outside world, and was able to sustain friendships and a social life as a result. He even got married. Ultimately, he was functioning and living a decent life. Unfortunately, as anyone with a family member struggling with severe mental health issues, the successes are fleeting and the struggles and problems are always lurking.
As a family living with severe mental health issues, we have to be accepting, loving and prepared. You never know when you’ll get the phone call and how serious the situation may be. My sister was always there for Steven. She spent many nights on the phone with or came to his aid in person. Whether it was picking him up from his apartment in NYC after finding out he decided to stop taking his medication and wandered the streets or having a hard time with his wife, we always had to be ready to provide whatever help was needed.
The insidiousness of mental health struggles is that you cannot identify someone with mental health struggles. Mental health problems do not discriminate. The homecoming queen, the athlete, the scientist and the seemingly healthy all are at risk. I have said for years that it would be much better if mental health issues manifested themselves in the form of a third limb—that way we could all see the struggle that is otherwise invisible.
While Steven was dealing with all of these heartbreaking challenges, one thing remained constant, he was always an amazing brother, brother-in-law, and an especially loving uncle. His nieces and nephews idolized him. When “Uncle Steven” was around, none of us were relevant as the kids only wanted to be with him. He made them all very happy, and he was always happiest with his gaggle of admiring kids. I thought about this for years and realized it was because young kids have not learned to judge people; they just wanted to play, laugh and have fun—and Steven wanted to make sure they were always happy with him.
While navigating his illness, Steven did an incredible amount of research about his condition. He was constantly finding new therapists, as he really wanted to find the answer to why he was struggling. Steven did most of what people are supposed to do to address severe mental health issues. He didn’t fight therapy or medication, he just wanted to get better.
Unfortunately, one of the major flaws in the mental health system is the reliance on prescription medication and the lackadaisical approach some therapists take toward comprehensive care. Steven, as is the case with many struggling with severe mental health issues, became adept at finding the right psychiatrist that would prescribe medication despite the fact that he was getting other medication from other psychiatrists. Although mixing any combination of prescription drugs, over-the-counter drugs, illicit drugs, and alcohol can be unpredictable and dangerous, his doctors were not proactive in helping him avoid mixing medications.
Most fatal overdoses involve use of more than one type of drug, and at age 47, Steven had a heart attack related to mixing multiple medications that he received legally from multiple psychiatrists. None of these prescribing psychiatrists ever checked to see if he was getting medication from others. A true tragedy that is not unusual.
