Empathy is the ability to understand other people’s feelings and see things from their viewpoint. As a parent, I’ve seen how it can be more of a natural ability in some kids than others, but the good news is that it is a skill that can be developed in all of us and strengthened like a muscle with practice.
It’s best to start as early as possible with our kids, talking about feelings, observing body language, and teaching limits, but sometimes a refresher is helpful as they near the teenage stage. Teens are at an age in development where their focus is mostly inward as they try to figure out who they are and where they fit into this world.
Although they may give you some pushback and resistance, helping your teen to empathize with the world around them will improve their relationships with their family and friends, cut down on chances of bullying, and develop a connection with the world outside of themselves. It’s also a skill that serves us all as we go through life, with jobs, friendships, and life in general.
When your teenager is drawn out of their internal battles and you can help them to understand that everyone has feelings just as strong as they do, it also can help calm the raging emotions that they’re struggling to deal with so they feel less alone — because connection goes both ways!
I’ve pulled together a list of practical tips that can help you bridge the gap between your tween’s or teenager’s emotions and the experiences of others by teaching them empathy. I’ve put these into practice with my own kids and have noticed some positive changes!
How To Teach Empathy To Teenagers
Although it can be a challenge, with a few strategies and tips, you can help your teen build empathy skills that will help them see beyond their own point of view.
Set a Good Example
Whether you’re learning how to encourage a growth mindset in your kids, or teaching empathy, one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent is be a good role model. If they see you considering the emotions, experiences, and point of view of other people in your life, chances are they’ll begin to think about these things too. If you’ve ever heard the expression, kids do what you do, not what you say, then you know what I’m talking about.
Empathizing with your own child can have a double benefit. When they feel like they’re being heard by you, they’ll offer less resistance to learning what you’re trying to teach them. Seeing that empathy playing out will show them how good it feels to be on the receiving end of empathy and they’ll be more likely to build empathy skills of their own.
Practice Empathy
There’s no better way to learn a new skill than to practice it, and developing empathy is no different. Using real events or stories going on in the world is a great way to help your teens think about the emotions and experiences of other people and create rich, deep conversation opportunities. If your family doesn’t watch the news, you can use the experiences of your child’s favorite fictional characters as well.
Help your teen practice empathy by choosing a variety of positive and negative experiences that someone else is going through. You can ask them questions like:
- What emotion do you think they’re feeling right now?
- What thoughts do you think they’re experiencing?
- If you were in their shoes, how do you think that would make you feel/think/act?
Questions like these can help your teen to open up their mind and develop empathy in a non-threatening way since they don’t know the people they’re thinking about — and in the case of fictional characters, they never will!
Flip The Script
One of the things that gives teenagers such a hard time is their own internal struggle with their building emotions. They can get so wrapped up in how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking that it makes it tough to consider the thoughts and feelings of others. Thankfully, all this inner turmoil is also a great place to practice empathy!
The next time something happens to your teen that makes them feel strongly, get them to flip the script.
- If your teen has picked on a friend of sibling, ask them to consider how that made the other person feel and think. Get them to think about what the other person might want or need in that situation.
- If your teen is the recipient of rude comments — as tough as it may be — get them to think about what the bully might have been thinking or what they might have been trying to get out of their hurtful behavior.
Remember, even though you’re asking your teenager to consider difficult life events from an alternative point of view, that doesn’t make their own experience any less valid and it doesn’t make one perspective right or wrong; it’s just thinking through the situation thoroughly to try and understand why the other person may be acting or feeling the way they do, resulting in the action in question. It’s helpful to first model empathy for what your child has experienced before you ask them to think about the other person’s perspective.
Help Out at Home or In the Community
While it’s developmentally expected for a teen to be more self-focused, being a contributing member of the family or volunteering in a community aspect can help shift that focus off of self for a while. Helping others develops kindness and empathetic thought patterns.
Notice and Praise Empathetic Behavior
When your child displays empathetic behavior, point it out and praise it. Not necessarily in the moment, but later on in the day, an acknowledgement of “I noticed you considering the situation from your friend’s perspective; that’s a really mature thing to do. You should be really proud of yourself” can go a long way. It helps if you can make the compliment as specific as possible to the action or conversation that occurred. Specificity and positive reinforcement helps these budding skills to stick.
Empathy is a skill that can be developed with practice, helping strike the balance being understanding others’ perspectives and yet understanding your own thoughts and feelings are valid as well. You can help your teen develop empathy skills so they can have rich and fulfilling relationships with the people in their lives long into adulthood. Learning to see from another person’s point of view will not only build relationships, it’ll offer your teenager some insight into why people act the way they do towards them, connect them to the world outside their own bodies, and give them some relief from the thoughts inside their own minds.
Have you tried any of these skills to build empathy with your teens? Let me know in the comments below!
