What should we do instead? How can we use affection to make people feel secure enough to invest in us? If we meet a potential friend at a happy hour, instead of checking our texts during the conversation, we can greet them warmly and stay engaged. If we want our new friend to invite us for pizza, when they text to ask how we’re doing, instead of saying “Everything’s fine,” we can say, “It’s so good to hear from you! There’s so much I’ve wanted to tell you about.” If we want our friends to keep us abreast of their lives, when they tell us they received an award, instead of saying “That’s cool,” we say, “I’m so proud of you! There’s no one I know who deserves this more!” Although when we crave connection we tend to focus on our needs, when we stop thinking about whether we belong and shift to making others feel like they belong, we’ll inevitably belong too.
